From the Lame Duck Prez...

Jim Piavis

Originally published November 1992

The story you are about to read is true. However the content has been grossly exaggerated and the truth bent (just a little)....

Recently, on a fine Saturday afternoon, two individuals proceeded to perform an unauthorized entry of my hanger at the Mojave airport. Yes, it was a bungled attempt at a Project Police raid, however, the intended target of opportunity had just vacated the aforementioned premises and thus invalidated any attempt at a police action (EAACH1000REG 00-50.PP(Project Police)-6, Para 2(a)). The reader should note that the Project Police did willfully arrive at the scene in an air machine unbecoming of a Chapter 1000 member. Surveillance cameras recorded the perpetrators arriving in a Piper Tomahawk (AKA Trauma Chicken) with a large brown bag over the operator's head while the passenger was seen to pull his desert camouflaged hat over his reddened face in total embarrassment (they were caught on film...proof to follow).

The following letter was left at the scene of buffoonery:

Mr. Piavis,

You have been paid a visit by the Project Police. You are hereby cited for violating the following regs:

  1. Failure to greet Project Police (Although they had extended advance notice of their visit).
  2. Failure to provide refreshments to quench thrist of aforementioned thirsty aviators.
  3. Gross failure to show progress since last public showing of aircraft (EAFB Air Show).
  4. Failure to notify new board member of upcoming Board of Directors meeting. (We threw the last one in to cover all the bases.)
Future violations of this nature will result in suspension of EAA CH. 1000 membership privileges.

(Signed) Officers Pelletier and Erb

P.S. We reserve the right to report this in the newsletter.

In rebuttal, I offer the following explanations to the above gross and utterly untrue allegations:

Offense 1: Member cannot be expected to spend 24 hours in a hanger at Mojave airport, no matter how motivated toward said project. One has to attend to other activities such as work, sleep, eating, and going to the Craftsman Department at Sears (Allowable under EAACH1000REG 00-50. PP-3.5, Para 6(c).)

Offense 2: Any true Project Police officer would have improvised. There are spigots on the east side of the building in the mud puddle.

Offense 3: Upon breaking and entering, the two so-called Project Police officers failed to notice a plethora of metallic parts in the making. Although not obvious, much progress had been made in such manly activities as the cutting, shaping and bending of cold, high-carbon steel. 'Nuff said.

Offense 4: Notice of Board meetings was given in the 11 March 92 issue of the Chapter 1000 newsletter. Report to EAACH1000 Stan/Eval for requalification testing.

Take note: a proper Project Police action is never complete until it is properly annotated in the appropriate publication (EAACH1000REG 00-50. PP-2.6.4, Para 3(z))...not on the back of my plans! Obviously, this was a weak attempt to intimidate the out-going administration. George Bush won't wimp out....and neither will I. Two things to remember:

  1. The President is always right and controls all chapter publications (EAACH1000REG 88-1-C, PARA 3(b)).
  2. The Chapter 1000 newsletter is for entertainment purposes only and any resemblance to the truth is purely accidental. In short, we make this stuff up.

(Editor's Counter Rebuttal) After conducting a routine followup visit to the hangar in question, an independent Project Police Team found that Offense 2, above, has been verified. In point of fact, there were no liquid refreshments available at all, despite the fact that the Police team had a perfectly good engine for the Boredom Fighter that they would have swapped even up for two sodas. The fact that said engine was still inside a wrecked '90 Subaru Legacy is immaterial and irrelevant. After consulting with the DA, we find that there is probable cause to find culpable negligence on the part of the Lame Duck Prez in the matter of the second offense. And we are still thirsty.


EAA Chapter 1000 Home Page
E-Mail: Web Site Director Russ Erb at erbman@pobox.com

URL: http://www.eaa1000.av.org/ppolice/lameduck.htm
Contents of The Leading Edge and these web pages are the viewpoints of the authors. No claim is made and no liability is assumed, expressed or implied as to the technical accuracy or safety of the material presented. The viewpoints expressed are not necessarily those of Chapter 1000 or the Experimental Aircraft Association.
Revised -- 22 February 1997