Originally published June 1997
EDWARDS AFB, 20 MAY 97. (PPNS) Project Police Tactical Assault Force leaders reported today that large numbers of the crack Chapter 1000 assault troops have apparently succumbed to an unknown malaise that prevented them from attending the scheduled Operation "Allison in Wonderland".
Recently declassified documents revealed that the aforementioned assault was to take place in the mountain community of Tehachapi (an Indian word meaning "land to which EAA members won't drive"). PPTAF Commander M. Pelletier could not be reached for comment (another victim?) but raid on-scene commander Gary Aldrich said, "Details are sketchy, but an outbreak of a hideous disease is the only plausible explanation for the dismal turnout for this exciting and challenging mission. My heart goes out to our unfortunate troopers that are waging what may be their final battle." The PPTAF order of battle and casualty list remains CLASSIFIED, but Aldrich did admit that attendance was so low that "even the Project Police Paddywagon was sidelined." Aldrich went on to express concern that future mission readiness may well be impacted unless the strong-hearted warriors rebound and fill in the ranks for next month's detail.
(Preliminary reports from the Pentagon deny the existence of such an affliction. Processing on all claims has been halted until another several billion dollars can be duped out of Congress for a "study.")
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Revised -- 20 December 1997